- Title: Die as a Bride
- Subtitle: A Sentimental Romance Story of a Boy
- Author: Yu Sakurazawa
- Transgender Category: MTF
Die as a Bride
A Sentimental Romance Story of a Boy
July 11, 6:30 a.m.
I stood in front of the mirror admiring myself.
“Look at you Sachet! Six-pack, triceps and biceps. You’ve girls drool over you. You’re handsome. And red – red makes you look even better. You should buy more reds eh?”
My mother hit me on my head.
“Sachet you’ll get late for college! You’ve to come home early as well. It’s your birthday!”
Oh yeah, my birthday. I’ve turned 21 today!
“Ya ya maa….. I am coming now.”
I said while rushing out of the room.
I grabbed a banana and my toast, sipped onto my coffee and left for college.
Same day, at around 4 p.m.
“Oh man, it’s raining so heavily! I’m going to get late for my OWN damn party! Damn!”
Beep beep went the traffic. “Oh shut up!” I yelled. My head had started to hurt from all the honking.
“Why did it have to happen today?” I was furious and wet, thanks to my very useful bike, which offered nothing but only two wheels to take you places – only when the bike wanted to! I’ve got a moody bike, I must admit. I’ve got to reach home as soon as I can! It’s my 21st birthday! I want my day to be perfect. Memorable. Not like an ordinary day; stuck in traffic-bike refuses to start – shitty….
I was getting anxious. I wasn’t able to think. All I wanted was to reach home and so I speeded my bike up.
Tring tring. My phone started to ring. “Hello” it was my mother. “Where are you son, everybody is waiting for you”
“Ma I’m on my way. I’ll be there soon” I said.
“Where are you, son?”
“I’m near the Mukundpur flyover……”
“And….” I suddenly felt a flash of light hit my face which blinded me out. I couldn’t figure out what exactly it was. But it was approaching me, fast. Very fast. It was just a few meters away when I realised that it was a truck and that I had to get out of its way. I instantaneously tried to move away from it but it was too late.
I went flying in the air and crashed onto the ground. I wasn’t able to move. I couldn’t even breathe. I felt like I was buried under a fifty story building. My chest felt heavy. It felt like I was sinking, into the ground. My body felt heavy. “Let’s take him to the hospital” I hear a blurred figure say as it approached me.
“Don’t close your eyes” said another.
The next thing I knew was that I was on a hospital bed. Wounded.
A team of doctors was operating on me. I could see the crushed bones. My damaged insides. My unrecognizable face. My lower jaw hung loose. I was in a pitiful condition.
What the hell is happening? How am I seeing myself? What is all this crying about? Am I dead? Am I experiencing the afterlife? What is going on? I was perplexed. This is absurd. I couldn’t understand a thing.
“He’s sinking” one of the doctors said.
“He is crushed by the truck very badly” said another.
The doctors injected me with an intra-cardiac, adrenaline, followed by some other life saving drugs and procedures.
“Doc, he’s no more.”
My family was there, outside the ICU. My mother was in tears. My father was standing behind her, consoling her.
“Sachet.” My mother fell to the ground. “Mera bacha (my son).”
My mother was left devastated. I could see her mourning, for me, right in front of me.
I started to walk towards her, to tell her that I was here; right here with her but something stopped me. I felt someone pulling me by the hand. Someone unfamiliar. I was being pulled inside a dark door-like place. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay with my mom. My family. I couldn’t leave them like this. Mom. Maa. I kept calling out but she didn’t hear me.
I had no control over myself anymore. I was unwillingly going through the door, which now appeared more like a tunnel. A long, almost never ending tunnel. I kept walking, towards the bright yellow sphere of light. It looked like I was walking towards the sun. It was hot in there. And then the next moment, ice cold. It felt as if I have been walking since forever.
I neared the exit and everything changed. It wasn’t dark anymore. Or cold. Or hot. Or anything. I felt relaxed. I was in a picturesque place.
The floor was made of what looked like clouds. Everything was calm, bright, happy. In front of me was a huge door. It was made of gold, I think. It was beautiful, carved so intricately, with what looked like diamonds embedded in a very dexterous manner. I was mesmerised by the beauty of it. I started to walk towards it, through a passage guarded by pretty flowers. The door opened on its own as soon as I reached it as though my face was its password.
It all looked like a dream.
“So, sachet, how are you feeling?” I heard a very soothing voice.
“Err, I’m good. But umm… Where am I? And… and who are you?” I fumbled.
“Son, you’re in heaven.” The voice replied.
“W..What. Heaven! That means I’m dead? Nooooooooo. I know you’re lying. I must be dreaming! I’m.. I’m hallucinating because of all the medications. I just know it. I mean, I… I know I had an accident and all but it wasn’t that bad you know!”
“But, well, that’s how it is son.”
“So, if that’s how it is, you must be god, right? The creator”
“Well, umm, yes”
“Haahahahahahahahahahaha. I’m a hundred percent dreaming”
“So you don’t believe me?”
“You really don’t believe me?”
“Then?”……… I asked with frustration.
I did as told and standing right in front of me was my grandpa. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I rubbed my eyes in doubt. Am I hallucinating in my dream now? I took a deep breath and looked again. He was still there.
“Grandpa” I ran towards him in ecstasy but as I was about to hug him, he disappeared.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. I reflexively turned around.
I saw a tall, blue colored man with jataayein (long-thick-black tangled sections of hair which almost look like ropes) through which the holy river Ganges was originating. He had a damroo in one hand and a trishul (a fork like large weapon) in the other. A snake was also wrapped around his neck like a scarf.
“Lord Shiva” I knew it was Lord Shiva. I just knew that.
“Now, do you believe me? Son, this is not a dream. You are Sachet’s soul and this is heaven and I, I am GOD, the creator.”
“I…I…I…” I suddenly couldn’t speak. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run away. But there was no escape. I wanted to scream.
I gathered all of my courage, closed my eyes and yelled “No. No. This can’t be happening. Hell no! I can’t die on my birthday! Send my back. I just can’t.”
“You can’t go back any longer.”
“Please, please God please. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for whatever I said in the beginning. Please just send me back. My mother, I…I want to go back to her. Please. My family needs me God please.” I fell to my knees.
“Apsara, I would like you to go and check on Sachet’s body.” Apsaras are women belonging to heaven and let me tell you, this apsara, she looked out of the world beautiful.
She was dressed in a white blouse and a salwar with heavy gold embroidery. A diamond and gold kamarbandh enhanced her waistline. She had doe shaped, brown eyes. Her lips were plump and pretty. Her hair were curly and left loose. She was covered in gold jewellery from head to toe. She was prettier than how I’ve always imagined apsaras to be so much so that I felt as if I was in love with her.
“His body has been cremated” Apsara exclaimed.
“WHAT!” I was shattered.
“But…” she said.
I looked up with hope in my eyes.
“Apsara, I see in my planner that there was another death planned for today.” Lord Shiva asked apsara while checking his ‘death’ schedule in one of the clouds.
“Yes yes. There was one planned”
“So check on it”
After about five minutes, Apsara returned. With the news that changed my life.
“Sir, the soul has been detached but the body has not yet been cremated. Nobody is aware of the death.”
“Sachet, how desperate are you to go back?”
“I’ll do anything to go back. Please god please” I begged.
“See, I can see from your profile in my ‘patrika’(journal) that you are a good man. You’ve not been involved with any wrong doings and your karmas are good.You’ve always helped others so I guess its time for the fal (fruit)”
I looked up with hope in my eyes.
“So I think I can give you a chance. But as you know that your family has cremated your body, your soul cannot be returned to the same body.”
“Errr.” I didn’t know what to say. I was confused.
“And you also know that I do have a body without a soul where you can go. ”
He raised an eyebrow.
“Ummm.” I rose to my feet.
“So tell me. Do you want to go back but with a different body? Your family, age, life, everything will remain the same. It will be like a rebirth.”
“I need to think”
“Yes or no?”
I was baffled. His offer was the only way that I could go back but how can I go with a different body? What should I do?
He asked again “Yes or no. You don’t have much time sachet.” Lord Shiva had an overpowering voice.
“Umm okay okay yes. Yes. I wanna go. I just want to be with my mother.”
“Done. But, there is no guarantee as to how long you will live. When its time, its time. You’ll have to return. And then there is no returning back. Then you cannot go back. Maybe you get an extension for another few years if you continue to do good deeds but most probably not. You’ll have to come back. I can’t keep giving extensions like that” Lord Shiva continued “and don’t ask me about the seven years thing, its a long, long story that I’ll share with you once you come back. You know, we’ll have plenty of time then” he smirked.
I laughed a little at his sarcastic comment.
“Okay. Anything you say. I’ll be good. Please send me back.”
“Tathastu (granted)” he said with a satisfactory smile on his face raising his right hand.
* * *
“Wake up! It’s 6:30.”
“Ma let me sleep.”
“Wake up; it’s your birthday today.”
My eyes popped open. I rose with excitement. I’m 21!! Yay! I headed straight to the bathroom. I was ecstatic. I’ve waited the whole year for my birthday.
I entered the bathroom and started brushing my teeth. I noticed something unusual.
Why is my hair so bothering today?
I quickly washed my face and looked into the mirror again.
Shit. I look like a sick woman. My cheeks are swelling!
I splashed more water onto my face. And what! My elbows hit humongous mounds where I was used to see my six pack abs!
Why?! Isn’t this a woman’s breast?!
I was shocked and then an awful thought popped up in my mind. I put my pants down and found my important things missing. I put my fingers there and my fingers met something a man should never have on himself. At the same time my pussy felt touched by female fingers.
I’m inside a FEMALE BODY!!!!
DAMN…… I fainted.
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